Monday, January 15, 2007

Ode to Leo Sayer

Sung to 'When I need Love'

When I need pants
I look in my case and I find some
And all that I want are before me
They’re only a hand stretch away
When I need pants
I hold out my hands
And I ask you
I never knew I had run out of my pants
Not even a pair for today

Miles & miles of empty space in between us
Swearing doesn’t sway you at all
But you know I won’t be staying here forever
I’m not a lout
Turn them inside out
Just like you do
When I need pants
I can’t wash the skid marks before you
And all that I want is a fresh pair babe
It’s all that I want for today

It’s not easy when your bowel is irregular
Honey that’s a heavy load that I bear
But you know I won’t be skid marked forever
I’m not a lout
Turn them inside out
Just like you do
Oh I need pants….

When I need pants
I go to M&S
and I buy pants
I never knew there was so many pants
Keeping my bum clean night & day

When I need pants
I don’t want to become an arsehole
Keeping my bum clean night & day
I just hold out my hands
I just hold out my hands
And plead with you BB
Yes plead with you BB
and All I get from you
Is a large cheque to be on my way

All the fun of the fair


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Bang goes my no claims bonus


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Think I might have a problem convincing the insurance brokers about this one

Coke heads


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BUSH - The man they all love to hate


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Tastes like chicken


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Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A college Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.
Realising that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably out drinking beer with his mates."

Psychological Fact

Interesting Psychological Fact (that speaks volumes on the underestimation of the effects of estrogen)

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his arse while he is on fire.

Further studies in this area have been canceled

Hard to swallow


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