Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

• PLATO: For the greater good.
• ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
• KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
• TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
• RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
• CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
• HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
• MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
• MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
• FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
• RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
• MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
• JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
• FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
• BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office VISTA, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
• OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
• DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
• EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
• BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road . It transcended it.
• ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
• COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
• MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; it was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
• PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. J
• OHN LOCKE: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
• ALBERT CAMUS: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
• THE POPE: That is only for God to know.
• IMMANUAL KANT: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
• GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
• ERICH MARIA REMARQUE: The chicken crossed the road because, after his experience with war, he no longer felt at home in his home.
• GEORGE ORWELL: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
• NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
• JEAN-PAUL SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
• PYRRHO THE SKEPTIC: What road?
• EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.