“One question on hospital admittance forms really gets me. ‘Sex: Male or Female?’ Do I want to be in a hospital where they can’t tell the difference?”
Ronnie Shakes
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Emo Philips
"I speak Esparanto like a native."
Spike Milligan
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett
"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit."
Mel Brooks
"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One."
Yakov Smirnoff
"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up."
Muhammad Ali
“If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation.”
Tom Stoppard
“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read."
Frank Zappa
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